


Reality

by loves_books



Series: Sapphire [2]
Category: The A-Team (2010), The A-Team - All Media Types
Genre: Body Horror, Body Modification, Captivity, Corsetry, Forced Feminization, Gender Confusion, Gender Issues, Hormones, M/M, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Second Person, Recovery, Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_books/pseuds/loves_books
Summary: One whole year you’ve been gone, and you’re no longer the same person you were back then, in so many different ways. Physically, mentally, spiritually – you’ve been changed, inside and out, and you think those changes might just be permanent.
Relationships: Templeton "Faceman" Peck/John "Hannibal" Smith, Templeton "Faceman" Peck/Original Character(s)
Series: Sapphire [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908727
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Scenes From Lives Less Ordinary](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23721019) by [loves_books](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_books/pseuds/loves_books). 



> Please note that I've chosen not to use archive warnings for this story. And please also have a good look at the tags before you choose to read on - I think I've covered everything, though please do let me know if you think I need to add any more tags. If you're in doubt about reading this, then please don't.
> 
> This is a sequel to 'Sapphire', which was originally written for the Yahoo Hannibal/Face group Halloween challenge, and this won't make any sense if you haven't read that first work. I also have no personal experience of any of the issues raised here and I am not meaning to make light of them in any way.  
> LB x

You don’t know what they want from you. Or, more accurately, you do know but you don’t know how to give it to them. Don’t know if you’re even capable, not now.

One whole year you’ve been gone, and you’re no longer the same person you were back then, in so many different ways. Physically, mentally, spiritually – you’ve been changed, inside and out, and you think those changes might just be permanent.

You’re no longer sure if you’re even truly a ‘he’. Sometimes you’re aware that you’re thinking of yourself as ‘she’; only natural, perhaps, given the reality of your altered physical body and given that you’ve been told over and over again that you’re a beautiful woman. 

_Such a good girl…_

Once the haze of drugs had left your system, once you’d suffered through a painful but mercifully short withdrawal, once you realised and accepted that you were truly back with Hannibal and your team, once you grasped the fact that you’d been gone for a whole year, once everything started to settle down to a strange sort of normality – you know they all expected you to be horrified.

You can see it in Hannibal’s eyes sometimes, in the moments before Hannibal manages to hide his feelings once more. You can see it in the tremor in those strong hands when Hannibal reaches out for you, always moving gently, slowly, trying not to startle you.

But you’re not horrified. You can’t be, not really. Not now. You’re not stupid: you understand that Nick is a sick and twisted individual, a man who let his obsession rule his life, a man who kidnapped you and changed you by using drugs and surgery and so much more without ever asking for your consent.

But at the same time, and there’s the kick, Nick was always good to you. Nick never once raised his voice or spoke rudely to you, always praising you and telling you how beautiful you were.

It’s Stockholm syndrome, of course, and you’re glad Nick is behind bars now, but at the same time you hope he’s doing okay without you.

Nick never touched you with anything less than love, even during the few surgical procedures you endured in his care. The jawline reshaping had hurt the most, surprisingly, far more so than the operation for your Adam’s apple or the removal of your ugly old Rangers tattoo. But Nick had cared for you so tenderly afterwards, bathing your brow and sitting up with you all night during a mild fever caused by infection.

You hate Nick, yet you also miss him, and exactly how twisted is that?

You’ve seen countless doctors in the weeks since your rescue, both medical and psychiatric, and physically they all seem to agree you’re doing just fine. The detox from the sedatives and hormones had been messy but straightforward, and your body is starting to change back in some ways to how you used to be, before Nick.

You’ve lost some of the extra weight already. Nick loved you to be soft, cushioned all over with a puffy layer of fat, but that’s slipped away naturally as you start to eat a more balanced diet. After a year in a corset, though, your stomach feels cold and exposed without the comforting embrace of silk and steel, your organs loose and your ribcage almost too big for your lungs. 

You’ve ordered yourself a corset online, and you find yourself counting the days until it arrives. Maybe Hannibal will even help you lace yourself in. 

You don’t miss the golden cage, though, not even remotely.

Your chest won’t change naturally, they tell you. The tiny A-cup breasts formed from the hormones forced into your body, and encouraged by the use of pumps, they won’t go, not without surgical intervention. The doctors want to wait at least another six months to let your body ‘settle’ first, whatever that means, but you already know you want to keep them. They are a part of you now, for better or for worse.

Expressing yourself is difficult, though. Without your voice, you’re reduced to ASL or the written word, though the psychologists are trying to get you to use text-to-speech software. The awkward mechanical voice just isn’t you, and after a year of learning to keep your mouth firmly closed unless Nick wanted to use it, it all just feels wrong. 

They’re all being so patient with you. No one is forcing you to do anything or to change anything, and no one has locked you up in a white padded room yet. Hannibal says over and over how glad he is that you are all back together, and how much he loves you, and BA and Murdock sit with you and play video games with you just like they always used to do. Sometimes you think you catch a glimpse of pity in their eyes, though they swiftly hide it from you, and sometimes you see guilt, which is far worse.

Maybe you’ll feel differently as time passes. Maybe you’ll miss your old body and your old life. Maybe you’ll hate Nick the way you know Hannibal does. 

Or maybe this is just who you are now. You can’t go back, all you can do is keep moving forwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Partly inspired by a comment on 'Sapphire', from AprillyG - the idea has been in my head since November, and my current personal prompt challenge gave me the chance to try it out a little. Thanks for the inspiration!


End file.
